Them: What inspires you to get up in the morning?
Me: My bladder, mostly.
Sometimes you feel like no one's out there for you,but you know who is always out there for you?
Laundry...laundry will always be out there for you.
A police recruit was asked "What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?" The reply "I'd call for backup"
I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink. Turns out it was the fridge.
Wouldn't it be nice to read on a medicine bottle that says "Warning: May cause permanent weight loss, remove wrinkles, and increase energy"
My stomach is flat....the l is just silent.
Went to the bank and told the teller "I want to open up a joint account" "Ok, with whom?" My reply "Whoever has the most money".
