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GOT CLEAN JOKES...add them here!! (MODERATED) If you have a good clean joke to share with us, please add them here, instead of pirating another persons thread. This is a MODERATED forum.

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  #1  
Old 1 Week Ago
Bluebird Bob's Avatar
Bluebird Bob Bluebird Bob is offline
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Default Red Skelton jokes

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".
Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended his programs with the words, "And May God Bless" with a big smile on his face.
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  #2  
Old 1 Week Ago
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Bob,
So true and always funny...
Too bad some of the youngins will never know him...
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  #3  
Old 1 Week Ago
al perna al perna is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluebird Bob View Post
RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".
Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended his programs with the words, "And May God Bless" with a big smile on his face.
Thank You Bob , Erika just told me to go outside and fix something , lol its 45 out Guess these weren't lady friendly jokes , O well made me Laugh
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  #4  
Old 1 Week Ago
photoadjuster photoadjuster is offline
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Default Lack of exercise

After seeing Red on the Johnny Carson Show, I adopted his exercise routine.


Carson said, "you are looking good, what is your exercise routine?"

Red's reply was "the only exercise I get is being a pall bearer for my friends who exercised a lot"
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  #5  
Old 1 Week Ago
StarChief StarChief is offline
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Thanks for the flashback, Bob. I’ve always enjoyed catching the 1950 comedy, “Watch the Birdie” with Red Skelton and Arlene Dahl on TCM, especially when they are trying to escape the bad guys on a Hyster. Speaking of Arlene, please tell her hi.
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  #6  
Old 1 Week Ago
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Captain Fred Captain Fred is offline
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A number of years ago when I was still a High School tech teacher we took the class on a field trip. It was a fair distance to ride and we got a grant to pay for a motor coach. About 1/2 way through the ride the kids were getting restless and the driver suggested that they watch a video that he had. He put on the Abbott & Costello who's on first sketch. The kids were rolling on the floor, they had no idea who Abbott & Costello even were before that. After that I would sometimes find an old comedy sketch like Ma and Pa Kettle do math and show it to the kids as a treat to fill in time like after a tough test. Classics never go out of style.
Hmmm, like a Wanderlodge maybe ??
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  #7  
Old 1 Week Ago
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tsdevane tsdevane is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain Fred View Post
A number of years ago when I was still a High School tech teacher we took the class on a field trip. It was a fair distance to ride and we got a grant to pay for a motor coach. About 1/2 way through the ride the kids were getting restless and the driver suggested that they watch a video that he had. He put on the Abbott & Costello who's on first sketch. The kids were rolling on the floor, they had no idea who Abbott & Costello even were before that. After that I would sometimes find an old comedy sketch like Ma and Pa Kettle do math and show it to the kids as a treat to fill in time like after a tough test. Classics never go out of style.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain Fred View Post
Hmmm, like a Wanderlodge maybe ??
Captain Fred:

As a current HS Tech Teacher for just a little bit more , I get a kick out of sharing this video clip. The failure of learning new tricks isn't restricted to old dogs.

"The illiterate of the 21st Century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn." - Toffler


https://www.teachertube.com/videos/a...costello-46231



Timothy
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  #8  
Old 5 Days Ago
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StarChief View Post
Thanks for the flashback, Bob. I’ve always enjoyed catching the 1950 comedy, “Watch the Birdie” with Red Skelton and Arlene Dahl on TCM, especially when they are trying to escape the bad guys on a Hyster. Speaking of Arlene, please tell her hi.
Will do, Greg.
Haven't found a BB for yourself yet?
A few out there for sale...
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  #9  
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Thanks for sharing.
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