How to Change Oil

[racin41bb]

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches

3,000 miles since the last oil change.

2. Drink a cup of coffee.

3. 15 minutes later, scan debit card and leave,


driving a properly maintained vehicle.


Money spent:
Oil Change: $30..00
Coffee: $1.00
TOTAL: $31.00








Oil Change instructions for Men:

1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a

case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree,

and use your debit card for $50.00.

2. Stop by Beer Store and buy a case of beer, (debit $24),

drive home.

3. Open a beer and drink it.

4. Jack truck up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7. Place drain pan under engine.

8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9. Give up and use crescent wrench.

10. Unscrew drain plug.

11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil

on you in process.

Cuss.

12. Crawl out from under truck to wipe hot oil off of face

and arms..

Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15. Give up; crawl under truck and hammer a screwdriver

Through oil filter and twist off.

16. Crawl out from under truck with dripping oil filter

Splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old

oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid

environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin

coat of oil to gasket surface.

18. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

19. Remember drain plug from step 11.

20. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

21. Drink beer.

22. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the

floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

23. Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill.

Drink beer.

24. Crawl under truck getting kitty litter into eyes.

Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug.

Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug

and bang knuckles on frame removing any

excess skin between knuckles and frame.

25. Begin cussing fit.

26. Throw stupid crescent wrench.

27. Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench

hit truck and left dent.

28. Beer.

29. Clean up hands and bandage as required

to stop blood flow.

30. Beer.

31. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

32. Beer.

33. Lower truck from jack stands.

34. Move truck back to apply more kitty litter to

fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.

35. Beer.

36. Test drive truck..

37. Get pulled over: arrested for driving

under the influence.

38. truck gets impounded.

39. Call loving wife, make bail.

40. 12 hours later, get truck from impound yard.


Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $8,500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1,500.00
Beer: $20.00
TOTAL: $10,145.00
But you know the job was done right!





















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[Buckeye Bird]

Just goes to show that there is an element of truth in every good joke, and this one is more true than most....... Nice one.

[isp2952]

Originally Posted by Buckeye Bird

Just goes to show that there is an element of truth in every good joke, and this one is more true than most....... Nice one.

I was reading this one to Michele and although she was laughing she did say that it sounded at least partially familiar