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GOT CLEAN JOKES...add them here!! (MODERATED) If you have a good clean joke to share with us, please add them here, instead of pirating another persons thread. This is a MODERATED forum.

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  #1  
Old 04-06-2020
brhodes's Avatar
brhodes brhodes is offline
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Location: Port St. Lucie
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Default Quarantine Jokes

Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe

I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom

PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.

I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot.

So, after this quarantine.....will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?

Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.

My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat

I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?

I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I'm getting tired of Los Living Room.

Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended.

Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under

REMEMBER, NO STORM LASTS FOREVER. HOLD ON, BE BRAVE, HAVE FAITH. Every storm is temporary and we never face the storm alone.
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Port St. Lucie, FL.
1990 WB 40 "Northern Lights"
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brhodes51@yahoo.com

Last edited by brhodes; 04-06-2020 at 06:41 PM.
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  #2  
Old 04-06-2020
mahansm mahansm is offline
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Location: Lynn Haven
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Compared to Michael aftermath this is easy. Power is on, water is on, sewer works, grocery stores are open and semi-stocked, the internet and cable service works, cellphones work, and I can sleep in my bed in my house in (heated/air conditioned) comfort. The roads aren't closed off with fallen trees, phone poles, and power lines. My roof doesn't leak and the ceilings are still up there. Gas stations are open and have all the gas/diesel I could want, and at good prices.



Checking in from Lynn Haven, FL
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1999 LXi 43 dual slide
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  #3  
Old 04-07-2020
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brhodes brhodes is offline
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Have to keep a good sense of humor and a positive outlook when we are all dealing with an enemy we cannot see as we are all in this together.

I agree, it is better than the aftermath of a storm, as I am not having to take a cold well water shower from the garden hose with a bar of soap hung from the rail in a nylon stocking to keep it from getting grass and dirt on it should it be dropped.
Hand washing your clothes and hanging them from the trees and fence, cooking on a camp stove, burning candles for light when you run out of batteries for the flashlight, and sleeping on the floor because it's cooler than the bed.

We will get through this and hopefully we will be a better nation.
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Port St. Lucie, FL.
1990 WB 40 "Northern Lights"
Body #F92929
brhodes51@yahoo.com
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  #4  
Old 04-07-2020
al perna al perna is offline
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Location: ormond fla
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I thought you may enjoy this as I have

I got this from the weekly RV Newsletter and thought it exactly right!
Going outdoors is not canceled, listening to music is not canceled, quality time with our families is not canceled, reading a book is not canceled, sharing with friends is not canceled, singing out loud is not canceled, laughing has not been canceled, sharing HOPE with others has not been canceled. Let’s EMBRACE what we have. —From Kelly’s Treehouseoutdoors
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  #5  
Old 04-07-2020
markusfmeyer markusfmeyer is offline
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Amen Al! And to top it off, today is national beer day.

Cheers!!
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Phoenixville, PA
1986 PT40 6V92
VB 1570
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  #6  
Old 04-07-2020
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Steelwheels Steelwheels is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brhodes View Post
Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe

I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom

PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.

I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot.

So, after this quarantine.....will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?

Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.

My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat

I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?

I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I'm getting tired of Los Living Room.

Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended.

Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under

REMEMBER, NO STORM LASTS FOREVER. HOLD ON, BE BRAVE, HAVE FAITH. Every storm is temporary and we never face the storm alone.

Lol good humor, ha loved it. Passing it along spreading the laughter.
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Downers Grove, IL
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  #7  
Old 04-07-2020
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Randy Dupree Randy Dupree is offline
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Location: Port St Joe,Fl
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I had to go to the bank today,and had to go to the drive through of course.
I had mechanics gloves on and as i was waiting i started laughing.
Most of my life i would eat lunch with dirty hands,using the hood of a car or truck as a table,or even the tailgate more likely than not.
Eating while driving home from an auction,or a junkyard,dirty hands,laying the sandwhich on the console or dash of the truck.
Now,i were gloves to go to the bank! hahaha!
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  #8  
Old 04-07-2020
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Captain Fred Captain Fred is offline
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Location: Boston
Posts: 441
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the best part of going to the drive up @ the bank today was when she sent my receipt back there was a treat for the dog with it. LOL !!
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Boston, Massachusetts
1987FC35SB "Lobster Inn"
2015 Jeep Wrangler Toad
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  #9  
Old 04-07-2020
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badandy badandy is offline
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQyQP07-_dg

[youtube]GQyQP07-_dg[/youtube]
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  #10  
Old 04-08-2020
wtom24 wtom24 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Martin
Posts: 244
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Love it-I currently have pipe dope all over both hands. Almost as bad as never seize. It will just have to wear off-out of acetone.
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Martin, Tennessee
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