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Under The Awning Here is where you can carry on a conversation, just like............well, like you were sitting under your awning at the campsite.

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  #1  
Old 04-30-2019
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isp2952 isp2952 is offline
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Default Just another day in California

This isn’t going to be one of my usual stories I have posted over the years. This is not related to my work as a detective with the Indiana State Police, but as a dutiful nephew to my Aunt Nancy. Aunt Nancy is 88 years old and stone deaf, dealing with short term memory issues, and just plain old! Regarding her hearing she is too cheap to go to an audiologist and get a good set of hearing aids, like I have. She goes to Walgreens, Walmart, or anyplace else that sells the, “As seen on TV” crapola for $29.99 tops. Or if she runs into a heck of a deal for $19.99! It isn’t that she can’t afford it. I just managed to sell her home for a good amount of cash and she now has a nice nest egg of around $500K in the bank. So, yes hearing aids are expensive but I don’t think she will miss it.

So her current arrangement is one of these Radio Shack gizmos, again $29.99 tops. There is a square box with controls on it for off and on and volume. This is about the size of a half a pack of cigarettes. There is a set of “earbuds” that lead from this magical square black box. So when I would speak she would hand me the black box so I could speak directly into the microphone or receiver of the black box. This was necessary, in order for her to hear with this marvelous device. So, her attire does not allow for any way to place this box anywhere on her person. No shirt pockets, no pockets in her slacks. So she gets tired of carrying this box around and takes it off constantly and lays it someplace. Since my time here at her home, packing her up and getting her ready to move, I have had to have conversation with her. Of course the box is nowhere to be found. She finally finds it lying under a mass of papers or someplace on a table, but by this time, I have forgotten what I was going to ask her!! I have finally convinced her that communicating with her would take much less time and be more convenient to both of us if she kept the earbuds in and found something to do with the black box.

So she followed my request. I had seen the earbuds in her ear, but wasn’t quite clear where the black box was. I saw the wires from her ears and I followed it to where it disappeared under her shirt tail. That was enough information for me. I really didn’t want to know anymore after that. So I am working on trying to get things closed down at her condo in Pasadena. I was able to get the gas shut off on-line, but no such luck with the electric company. I was on the phone for over 30 minutes while on “ignore” but I guess some call it “hold.” Finally someone answers. I talk to what sounded like a young man and explained I wished to disconnect the electrical service to a residence.

He politely asked me the name on the account and I answered with Nancy J. Walters. He then asked for the address of the account and I replied with 630 N. Wilson, #1. He asked for the last 4 digits of her SSN. Since I have her SSN memorized I gave it to him. He then inquired about the date of disconnect and I told him May 8th.

He went on to ask, “Will you be home on the 8th?” Then it got interesting.

I told him, “No my aunt will not be here, because I am loading her up on the 7th and we will be gone, that is why we chose the 8th for disconnect.”

He replied, “So I am not speaking with Nancy J. Walters?”

I stated, “Do I sound like a Nancy?”

He was quiet for a few seconds then said, “I need for Nancy J. Walters to tell me personally that she wishes her service disconnected.”

I explained to him that she is very hard of hearing and speaking on a telephone is all but impossible with her “equipment” she uses.
He then told me she would then have to come down to their office and show proof of ID and take care of the disconnect in person. That is where I should have said, “Ok we’ll come down.” NOOO!!! I get the bright idea of putting my phone on speaker and I asked him if I had her tell him what she wanted if it would be acceptable.

He said, “Yes”

So I explained to him I was going to talk with my aunt for a second and to be patient.

He said, “Not a problem.”

So I go to my aunt in the kitchen, where she had been packing some of her kitchen items. I tap her on her shoulder and about scare the H**l out of her. I start talking to her and she can’t hear a word I am saying. I look and she has the earbuds in her ear and the wire disappears under her shirt. She then reached inside the waistband of her slacks to retrieve the black box. I immediately think to myself why would she put this thing there. The last thing I want to do is speak into her crotch!! So she fumbles around and starts to tug on this box, but it is twisted up in her pink underwear! That was already more information than I wanted. She is fumbling around some more and it comes loose but drops down “deep into her crotch”!!! She retrieves it and then hands it to me!!!! REALLLY!!!! This was something I had not signed up for. Just where do you draw the line at being a dutiful nephew? I think this may be where I draw the line. I looked down at my phone and hit the red cancel button!!!! This was not going any further! Not today and not over the phone!

I had just been mistaken for a Nancy. I got over that in short order, when I remembered I was in California and I suppose there are a lot of Nancy’s that sound like I do. But speaking into a hearing device that had just been retrieved from my aunt’s nether region wasn’t going to happen! Tomorrow we will get into the car and drive down to City Hall where the Pasadena Water and Electric is located. My aunt will have to endure going inside, showing proof of ID and getting the service canceled. Or I may call one more time and not tell the truth. When they ask, “Am I speaking with Nancy?” I think I will resoundingly respond with “YES”. Something I should have done in the first place!! It most likely would have been accepted and even expected
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Jim and Michele Walters
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F397772
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2003 Harley Ultra Classic
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  #2  
Old 04-30-2019
lea lea is offline
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I truly dread the day when my hearing gets me where your Aunt is now. I do have the "good" hearing aid in my last fair ear and I'm very glad to have it.

It was time for a story Jim! Thanks
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  #3  
Old 05-01-2019
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Nancy Brookshire Nancy Brookshire is offline
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Similar story....Jim’s mother died. I call to cancel cable.
Is this Mrs. Pierson?
No, I told you she died.
Well, I need to speak to her.
Duh, dead!
I hang up. Call back 20 minutes later.
Is this Mrs. Pierson?
Yes!
You know the rest of the story...cable discontinued...

Jim and I have experienced the exact thing regarding hearing...

we LOVE your stories!!
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  #4  
Old 05-01-2019
badandy badandy is online now
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Well you were in California, you should have just told him that you identify as Nancy. Conversation would have been over quick.
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  #5  
Old 05-01-2019
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All I can say is that I am glad I am not a young person growing up in this environment. Where has common sense gone?
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  #6  
Old 05-01-2019
Big Al Big Al is offline
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Jim,

You made my morning...........

That had to be one of your funniest stories yet.
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  #7  
Old 05-01-2019
tsdevane tsdevane is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by isp2952 View Post
This isn’t going to be one of my usual stories I have posted over the years. This is not related to my work as a detective with the Indiana State Police, but as a dutiful nephew to my Aunt Nancy. Aunt Nancy is 88 years old and stone deaf, dealing with short term memory issues, and just plain old! Regarding her hearing she is too cheap to go to an audiologist and get a good set of hearing aids, like I have. She goes to Walgreens, Walmart, or anyplace else that sells the, “As seen on TV” crapola for $29.99 tops. Or if she runs into a heck of a deal for $19.99! It isn’t that she can’t afford it. I just managed to sell her home for a good amount of cash and she now has a nice nest egg of around $500K in the bank. So, yes hearing aids are expensive but I don’t think she will miss it.

So her current arrangement is one of these Radio Shack gizmos, again $29.99 tops. There is a square box with controls on it for off and on and volume. This is about the size of a half a pack of cigarettes. There is a set of “earbuds” that lead from this magical square black box. So when I would speak she would hand me the black box so I could speak directly into the microphone or receiver of the black box. This was necessary, in order for her to hear with this marvelous device. So, her attire does not allow for any way to place this box anywhere on her person. No shirt pockets, no pockets in her slacks. So she gets tired of carrying this box around and takes it off constantly and lays it someplace. Since my time here at her home, packing her up and getting her ready to move, I have had to have conversation with her. Of course the box is nowhere to be found. She finally finds it lying under a mass of papers or someplace on a table, but by this time, I have forgotten what I was going to ask her!! I have finally convinced her that communicating with her would take much less time and be more convenient to both of us if she kept the earbuds in and found something to do with the black box.

So she followed my request. I had seen the earbuds in her ear, but wasn’t quite clear where the black box was. I saw the wires from her ears and I followed it to where it disappeared under her shirt tail. That was enough information for me. I really didn’t want to know anymore after that. So I am working on trying to get things closed down at her condo in Pasadena. I was able to get the gas shut off on-line, but no such luck with the electric company. I was on the phone for over 30 minutes while on “ignore” but I guess some call it “hold.” Finally someone answers. I talk to what sounded like a young man and explained I wished to disconnect the electrical service to a residence.

He politely asked me the name on the account and I answered with Nancy J. Walters. He then asked for the address of the account and I replied with 630 N. Wilson, #1. He asked for the last 4 digits of her SSN. Since I have her SSN memorized I gave it to him. He then inquired about the date of disconnect and I told him May 8th.

He went on to ask, “Will you be home on the 8th?” Then it got interesting.

I told him, “No my aunt will not be here, because I am loading her up on the 7th and we will be gone, that is why we chose the 8th for disconnect.”

He replied, “So I am not speaking with Nancy J. Walters?”

I stated, “Do I sound like a Nancy?”

He was quiet for a few seconds then said, “I need for Nancy J. Walters to tell me personally that she wishes her service disconnected.”

I explained to him that she is very hard of hearing and speaking on a telephone is all but impossible with her “equipment” she uses.
He then told me she would then have to come down to their office and show proof of ID and take care of the disconnect in person. That is where I should have said, “Ok we’ll come down.” NOOO!!! I get the bright idea of putting my phone on speaker and I asked him if I had her tell him what she wanted if it would be acceptable.

He said, “Yes”

So I explained to him I was going to talk with my aunt for a second and to be patient.

He said, “Not a problem.”

So I go to my aunt in the kitchen, where she had been packing some of her kitchen items. I tap her on her shoulder and about scare the H**l out of her. I start talking to her and she can’t hear a word I am saying. I look and she has the earbuds in her ear and the wire disappears under her shirt. She then reached inside the waistband of her slacks to retrieve the black box. I immediately think to myself why would she put this thing there. The last thing I want to do is speak into her crotch!! So she fumbles around and starts to tug on this box, but it is twisted up in her pink underwear! That was already more information than I wanted. She is fumbling around some more and it comes loose but drops down “deep into her crotch”!!! She retrieves it and then hands it to me!!!! REALLLY!!!! This was something I had not signed up for. Just where do you draw the line at being a dutiful nephew? I think this may be where I draw the line. I looked down at my phone and hit the red cancel button!!!! This was not going any further! Not today and not over the phone!
Quote:
Originally Posted by isp2952 View Post
I had just been mistaken for a Nancy. I got over that in short order, when I remembered I was in California and I suppose there are a lot of Nancy’s that sound like I do. But speaking into a hearing device that had just been retrieved from my aunt’s nether region wasn’t going to happen! Tomorrow we will get into the car and drive down to City Hall where the Pasadena Water and Electric is located. My aunt will have to endure going inside, showing proof of ID and getting the service canceled. Or I may call one more time and not tell the truth. When they ask, “Am I speaking with Nancy?” I think I will resoundingly respond with “YES”. Something I should have done in the first place!! It most likely would have been accepted and even expected
Jim... you had me in stitches. You know how to paint a picture. I have had to deal with the same sort of family thing - too funny. Best of luck through it all.


Timothy
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  #8  
Old 05-01-2019
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Randy Dupree Randy Dupree is online now
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e had an old guy that hung around when we were racing cars,he was deaf and one night he shows up and hes bragging about his new hearing aids,he would not shut up about them,see how small they are? I can hear a pin drop! i'm thinking dang,just shut up!
But i was polite and asked him "what kind are they"?
He looks at his watch and says "8 oclock!"
He could not hear a thing!
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  #9  
Old 05-01-2019
Marc_in_CT Marc_in_CT is offline
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Jim, you should submit this one to Reader's Digest. Thanks for sharing!
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  #10  
Old 05-01-2019
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isp2952 isp2952 is offline
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Default The Saga Continues

It has been a dreary few days here in "Sunny California" and the sun came out this morning and it was finally nice. So I felt good. I knew it would be warmer and I would work up more of a sweat while working on packing, but it was just really nice to see the sun.

So, my aunt and I get into the car and hit the door opener and the door only opens half way. This has happened a couple of times since my stay. So I had to go and push up the door by hand to assist the opener. I needed to get out to go to the U-Haul location to insure my prior arrangements were going as I had planned and there would be no hick-ups for 5/7 the day of getting the truck and the car hauler and loading and then finally getting "Out Of Dodge". That didn't go well at all. There were four other people there waiting at this ramshackle of a place. All the indicators on-line and other information stated hours were from 8:15 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. I was there at 9:30 a.m. and nobody there but these other 4 customers. They were all upset and needed their equipment. One guy had a plane to catch and was on a realy tight schedule. So I went to some neighboring businesses and inquired if they knew if this place was going to open up and they all claimed that "It was anybody's guess" as to when someone would arrive. I went back to advise the others and just as I was getting ready to leave this "sweathog" walks up with some keys and opens up the door. I excused myself to the other people waiting because I had one short question.

"Madam, will anyone be here on time on the 7th, when I have my reservation?"

Her response was, "What makes you think I am not on time?"

To which I responded that when you go on line your hours are 8:15 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. and it is now past 10:00 a.m. so I only think it was a fair question."

She said, "We have told them many times to change our hours but nobody listens."

The guy needing to get to his flight on time said, "I hope my airline doesn't go by your schedule."

The "sweathog" immediately responded with, "I have enough problems of my own and don't need to hear about yours."

To which I answered, "I'm out of here." I then drove to another location on Raymond St. and found a nice friendly bunch of people working there and was helped changing everything over to their facility and was happy when I let.

My aunt wanted me to stop at her neighborhood Walgreen store. She said she needed some things and wanted to get some "lubricant". I looked at her rather strangely and said, "What?"

She said, "I want to get some lubricant."

I immediately had these strange visions in my mind of why my 88 year old aunt needed "lubricant" from Walgreens. She quickly removed those visions from my mind when she went on to say that she buys "lubricant" at Walgreens to lubricate the track for the overhead door. This is apparently an ongoing thing, that I was not aware of until this trip. I had always purchased my "lubricant" for my overhead door track at a hardware store and seldom go into a Walgreen and did not know they had that type of "lubricant".

So we travel to the local Walgreen and she grabs a cart and picks up her paper towels and other items and goes to a shelf area where they have some tools. We both look and suddenly, quite loudly, my aunt blurts out, "Where is the lubricant?" I'm 6'3 topping out at about 285 lbs that last trip to the scales and I am immediately looking for a hole to crawl into There were several people in the store and I did see a couple turn and look at our direction I knew my aunt didn't have her hearing device on and I just spoke out and said, "Mam, maybe a clerk can help you" as I walked away, looking at some people looking at our direction and I just sort of shrugged my shoulders, like I didn't know her. I got out to the car and sort of slouched down and hoped no one saw her coming to the car and getting in with me.

I can't believe I have almost a week to go before I get out of here and back to the sanctity of my home. I may not come out into public for several days after I get back. Not sure I can take much more. I don't want to talk to anyone else but my wife and the dog. They know what I need. I will be stopping at my favorite adult beverage store and taking home something to help remove some of these "visions" I have been having, also.
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Jim and Michele Walters
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F397772
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2003 Harley Ultra Classic
260-224-1278
Larwill, IN
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